Tuesday, April 9, 2013

My dance with fear

I want to talk about fear. I have had fear on my mind a lot lately. Like a whole lot. I am making changes in my life and it is incredible how fear peeks it's head when you try to make changes into your life.

The only thing I can compare fear to is poison. It is what keeps you scared and prevents you from taking action in your life OR attempts to stop you once you've already taken action. After I deemed this month to be ACTION-APRIL all kinds of anxiety began to surface. Luckily I have remembered to use my essential oils (balance blend and frankincense) especially on my solar plexus (the energy center above the belly button) But as always when I am in need of answers and help, people show up with suggestions and recommendations.

My recommendation came to me this month by my health coach/mentor Nicole. She recommended that I read a book called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Rui┼║. I LOVE book recommendations so I took the suggestion and got the book yesterday.... I read it in one day. Haha. It is so good. As much as I recommend you read the book as well, I am going to give you the readers digest version as well as my thoughts on each of the new agreements that I have committed to making.

The first new agreement: "Be impeccable with your word."
- I have learned a lot about the power of words. The power that I have to affect change in my life and in the lives of those around me. And the destruction that gossip can have in the lives of people around me. I have been trying really hard to watch my words and I constantly catch myself in the process if giving 'my two cents' in certain situations. It is a work in progress but I try hard every day to use my words 'in the direction of truth and love.' Have you ever been gossiping about something or someone and someone else decides to join you?! And suddenly you feel like that person just added fuel to the conversation and your adrenaline starts rushing? It is just adding bad energy to the situation and actually turning it into more than it really is. Try to be more conscious about how you use your words. The issue will go away sooner if you start refusing the need to add fuel to someone else's fire or let people and fuel to yours.

The second new agreement: "Don't take anything personally."
-Wow this is a good one. "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality." Isn't that the truth? If you can really let this agreement set into your soul, your life will take new form almost immediately. Maybe someone tells you your ugly, for example. If you can commit yourself to this agreement, then anything that anyone says will not affect you! If you take a minute to realize that what this person is saying has NOTHING to do with you then you will avoid needless suffering in your life. Maybe what someone else says about you is true, maybe it's not. But at the end of the day you need ONLY worry about what YOU feel about YOURSELF. Once confident in your feelings about you, the opinions of others are just that, opinions. They are not personal. When someone attacks you with their words or opinions just respond mentally (or outloud if your brave enough) "I am not going to take this personally, this is not a reflection of me." By doing this you stop the energy in its tracks and refuse to take that information on as your identity.

Third new agreement: "Don't make assumptions."
- A wonderful and welcome change. So many times we get ourselves into trouble because in our head we COMPLETELY make up meanings for certain experiences that we have that are completely FALSE. You will see this is very common in special relationships (marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend). The advice in the book is to ask more questions. Don't just assume you know exactly what someone meant when they did something or said something. Make sure if you are unsure that you ask for more information so you can take things for what they are worth. We cause ourselves SO much unnecessary pain by making assumptions in our heads. Pain that most of the time the other person doesn't even know about!! Whats that saying about holding on to poison expecting the other person to get sick?? Or holding on to a hot coal hoping the other person will get burned? Anyways you get the picture.
Some advice I would add would be, if you are going to assume, assume the best! Give people the benefit of the doubt where possible. Stop assuming the worst in people you may be surprised at what they show you.

The fourth new agreement: "Always do your best."
- Pretty self explanatory. Simple yet profound. If you do your best with your daily tasks then you can be sure that there is nothing more that you could have done. The book talks specifically about how at different times, your best will look a little different. For example when your sick as opposed to when you are full of joyful energy. Do your best. No more, no less. Don't push yourself farther then you have strength. Just do your best. That has been a common theme in my life. "I did my best so if that was not good enough then I will just have to live with that, because there is nothing more I could have done." Be proud of your "best" and don't compare it to someone else's best. You can always sleep soundly if you know you did all you had in you to do.

What is your favorite new agreement? What is one (or all!) that you could commit to that would really bring you some peace in your life. In my honestly I will admit that I messed up on 3 out of the 4 new agreements my first day. But NOT THE FOURTH! I did my best. And I know my awareness is the first step to any kind of change. So rather than letting my mind control my life, I am taking control of my mind.

This is my new screensaver on my phone as well as taped on my closet so I see it daily


  1. I've loved this book for years. It is good to pull back out and reread, as the message is always so relevant and true. Thank you for your blog, I am enjoying reading and learning from you.

  2. These are great words of wisdom!